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Saturday, December 12th, 2009

cromagnon

8:34p SO... so i just dont fucking need this... one of the guys at work is not the brightest in the world and to be honest is a huge waste of space most days decided not to do his work at all last night and decided to show up over three hours late today... the boss woke me up my first day off in i dont know how long and asked me if i would come in... yeah, its not like my father just got gutted with cancer, my sister who i havent seen in a year is in town and i havent been spending every spare hour in that place, yeah, ill do it... so the guy got his two weeks notice and while a month ago when he was on the verge of getting fired, i was in knots... now i could give a fuck less, i dont like being cold to a grown mans livelyhood, but i just dont care about this shit anymore... im going out tonight to have some empty sex with someone who thinks she is too good for me, ill dispise myself for my weakness tomorrow, but if i dont, i think ill beat someone to death soon

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Thursday, December 10th, 2009

cromagnon

9:45p PROGRAMS well, the old fella got cut today, he seems to be doing ok, but there is still a danger to his heart... ill know more by tomorrow, his situation should be more clear by then... they are doing biopsies on the bladder and prostate to see if or how far the cancer has spread... theres a long road ahead to any kind of normalicy, ill be busy for a long time... but i know its worth it

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Monday, December 7th, 2009

cromagnon

6:35p DELICATE FLOWER she said she wanted to die, and it sounded like a song its become to much, and i knew she wasnt wrong life is just too hard, she says, i dont think i can deal my dreams are too hazy now and nightmares are too real she sees beauty in nature, every sunset, tree and hedge in archetecture too, though she is looking for a ledge she can see why others do all the things they do though no one understands what shes going through kind words, warm embraces ans smiles are all around the roar of blood in her ears is her only sound it calls to her, sometimes, the pain in its release it grips her, sometimes, willing her to find peace she looks at tomorrow with the leeriest of eyes as she lays her head down, she holds back her cries she wants to scream, she wants them all to hear she looses the words she needs to make herself clear if only a knight would come and carry her away instead of the alternative, then what would they say? cursing the gods of fate who abandoned her long ago she curses them all, though thell never know the distance around her it seems has widely grown the only arms around to hold her are her very own theres thought of starting over, leaving it all behind but there is no where she can escape her own mind there is no new frontier, no chance of a new start she has to struggle living on, with her wounded heart it isnt that she hates life, just the one shes living tomorow brings another day, but she has misgivings

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Tuesday, December 1st, 2009

cromagnon

9:04p I OWED IT TO MYSELF ONCE... ive been very short on patience lately, my mood has been bad for a while and i cant snap out of it, im just so damn frustrated... so much in my life has gone so bad and i thought the promotion and money would change things for the better for once... it hasnt... i havent had more than three days off in a row for over three years and im feeling real burnt out from work... i work at least six days a week, usually theyre 10 hours a day and work has become who i am, not what i do for a living... i went to manhattan to my fathers doctor, that was thr first time i have left the boro of queens in almost two years... i can feel the weight... i never did dream id live long when i was younger but surely i never would have dreamed id turn into this surely

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